Sunday, December 30, 2007
Farewell Netscape
As you already know, AOL has decided to give up support for Netscape Navigator. I hate to recognize that, but I feel sad about it. You know, Sun became the hottest company in the .com days thanks to Netscape, as they could be considered the starters of the Internet fever (and bubble...). What memories I have from those exciting days, where you could open up a box of Cheerios and bang, an Enterprise E10K could be awarded to the lucky child about to have breakfast. And in a great part, thanks to the popularity Internet acquired those days, when everybody thought that the world would move all the business to Internet immediately (even Al Gore thought that!), we are what we are now.
I guess that is the reason why we reached that deal with AOL to build the iPlanet brand. You know, AOL didn't really want a software company, they only were interested in the millions of users of Netscape.com, so they never thought they were wasting the $4.2 billion they spent there although we all knew that they didn't want that legion of geeks and programmers. And that days our middleware was just crap, we needed desperate replacement to our Directory Server, Application Server (oh dear, I just remember NetDynamics, and a shiver runs through my back and my neck; that's when our Sales people got accustomed to sell BEA instead of our products, an issue we are still fixing...), Mail Server, etc., so it was a natural deal: they'd split the company, giving us the software factory and keeping the final users for them, to feed them up with contents, their real business.
But then, you know, there was such a stubborn VP from AOL-Netscape, and that other much more stubborn VP from our side (I don't recall very well the story as I never was very interested in software, what is important in Sun is the tons of iron we sell), so in 2002 we definitively splitted it up, retaining the code for ourselves to keep up the development of the products. Of course, we killed most of them (EcExpert, BuyerExpert, Certificate Server...); some had to be killed later (MetaDirectory), while others are trying to survive despite our efforts to make them absolutely horrible products (Communications and Mail suite).
I wasn't surprised at all when AOL decided to kill the middleware of Netscape, about six months after we broke our iPlanet deal. As I said, that was not their business.
The funny thing is that the Netscape Navigator was never intended to make big money for Netscape. That mission was to be accomplished by the middleware products, and they did a lot of money (App. Server got about 95% of the market, and you'd be surprised to know how many companies still use NAS 4 -we know that because they sometimes call us for support!!-). The Navigator was just a tool to make people easy to navigate through Internet, until they found that money can be also made from the browser, and big bucks too. But this is a long story. Far are those days where Moz ruled over Microsoft. It is rumored that Microsoft was feared of the ability to execute programs in the browser, independently of the operating system, and that this was the reason why they decided to play hard with their Explorer to kill Netscape's browser (Google, be aware of that, you are offering an office suite that can be used from any browser, does it sound familiar to you? ;-) ).
So, as the initial picture says, Netscape Navigator has finally reached the stability (although there is no beyond): Rest In Peace.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Merry Christmas to All!!!
I don't know if it is because we are running out of enemies (Microsoft, IBM, Dell, Oracle... they are all partners now), because I'm not officially the boss anymore and have less worries, because I'm getting warmer with the age, or it's just Christmas, but I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year, plenty of SunRays, with a bright shining Solaris illuminating your lives.
Well, it may sound a little bit like propaganda, you know, you can't change so much even in this dates... ;-) but my feelings are true from the bottom of my heart.
Best wishes to all!!!
P.D.: By the way, sorry for Jonathan, he is not writing so much lately because he is quite busy with all the financial information of the close of the year and so on. This is the advantage of not being the boss, officially, I can play golf while he does the dirty job. Anyhow, he also wishes you all the best!
Well, it may sound a little bit like propaganda, you know, you can't change so much even in this dates... ;-) but my feelings are true from the bottom of my heart.
Best wishes to all!!!
P.D.: By the way, sorry for Jonathan, he is not writing so much lately because he is quite busy with all the financial information of the close of the year and so on. This is the advantage of not being the boss, officially, I can play golf while he does the dirty job. Anyhow, he also wishes you all the best!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Solidarity with Jobs (the Fake)
Hi again. To be the CEO in the shadows of a big company is a tough job, and if it is Sun it is a tougher job. That's is why Jonathan and me (the real and the fakes, that indeed are the reals pretending to be the fakes, you know what I mean...) are not writing very much lately is because of a couple of important factors: Christmas dinners with employees, partners and customers and closing of the second quarter of our fiscal year (well, the first activity is much more time consuming, over all when you have to spend the whole night drinking and dancing with your fellows).
Well, all that said, I just wanted to drop a few lines to show our solidarity with our (sometimes) friend Jobso, the fake one, of course. There is no need to recall the first Amendment to remember that in America everyone has the right to say what he thinks, and that we want to extend that right to all the World, because this is the first basis to freedom, the freedom of speech.
I'm sure that Jobso (the real), will rethink its attitude and realize that this blog has given Apple even much more awareness and propaganda that what they can afford to pay. Jobso, please, just a little bit of a sense of humor, for McIntosh sake!!!
And they say that Sun is a bully (well, I'll talk about that in a future article).
Jobso (the fake), I expect everything will go as we all expect, and that Apple will reconsider its position. If everything fails, you can count on us (Jonathan and me), and if it was necessary I'll let you post in my own blog (fake Ed Zander is free as far as I know, or whatever personality you would like to incarnate).
Meanwhile, I wish you all a Merry Christmas!
Well, all that said, I just wanted to drop a few lines to show our solidarity with our (sometimes) friend Jobso, the fake one, of course. There is no need to recall the first Amendment to remember that in America everyone has the right to say what he thinks, and that we want to extend that right to all the World, because this is the first basis to freedom, the freedom of speech.
I'm sure that Jobso (the real), will rethink its attitude and realize that this blog has given Apple even much more awareness and propaganda that what they can afford to pay. Jobso, please, just a little bit of a sense of humor, for McIntosh sake!!!
And they say that Sun is a bully (well, I'll talk about that in a future article).
Jobso (the fake), I expect everything will go as we all expect, and that Apple will reconsider its position. If everything fails, you can count on us (Jonathan and me), and if it was necessary I'll let you post in my own blog (fake Ed Zander is free as far as I know, or whatever personality you would like to incarnate).
Meanwhile, I wish you all a Merry Christmas!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sun Shopping Poll is still open
Well, I just took my medication after the crisis I suffered while writing my previous post, so I came back just to tell you that our poll about which company should Sun buy is still open, and now there is a tie between BEA and RedHat.
To be honest, I have been preparing some speeches to pronounce after the acquisition of that Linux company, but after what has happened with HR and the people leaving for Oracle, maybe it should be a good idea to digest BEA, so Larry would take his own medicine for once.
I'll be thinking about it. Keep on voting meanwhile and sending me comments.
I guess that those nice nurses sent by Steve, Iulia and Natasha, gave me too much of the dose of medicine... Peeeeace out! I looooove you Steeeveeee...
To be honest, I have been preparing some speeches to pronounce after the acquisition of that Linux company, but after what has happened with HR and the people leaving for Oracle, maybe it should be a good idea to digest BEA, so Larry would take his own medicine for once.
I'll be thinking about it. Keep on voting meanwhile and sending me comments.
I guess that those nice nurses sent by Steve, Iulia and Natasha, gave me too much of the dose of medicine... Peeeeace out! I looooove you Steeeveeee...
Sun Human Resources: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU WORKING FOR?
I'm furious, I'm really mad at HR. The headline indeed should say: HR, do you really work at Sun? What are you doing lately? Bok, our company is most of the time like an Ikea shopping experience: our employees have to do everything by themselves, from reserving a meeting room, to arrange a business travel, so HR is not an exception. Except the category of an employee and its salary, of course: but this is decided by the managers at last, this is not even a job for the boys and girls of HR. So, what I expected from them was to care about the employees, to help the company to retain the intellectual capital, or IC as we like to call it. Then, if this is what they are supposed to do, Why is there so many TECHNICALLY SKILLED people leaving the company?
In some GEMs, there are departments that are loosing up to 50% of the skilled people, counting Architects, Engineers and Business Development Managers, so there are some parts of the business with their continuity seriously harmed with this situation. In the SOA area, we have even lost 75% of the people selling JCAPS in one of the countries, and the situation is so well handled by HR that it is quite probably that we are going to loose the rest of the department.
What the HR head of that country told me is that "they are really focused in software". I pledged her to stop focusing and start doing her job before the whole office went out to work for our competitors (I really miss to have the control in this situations: Jonathan, I want to talk to you about this, please, pick up the phone, I've tried to call you 10 times this week... and it's only Monday!).
Ok, it is a matter of money. There are a lot of new jobs in other companies, the sector is going up almost like the times of the bubble, and experienced people is hard to find so other companies are willing to pay much more money for our skilled people. Don't you think there at HR that we have the same need of technically skilled people? Don't you ever realize that it is much more cheaper to rise the salaries and the benefits of the people _ALREADY_ working for us, with a lot of experience, rather than hiring new _unexperienced_ people that will need at least one year to match the people they are substituting? Not to mention that the people leaving is going to work for our competitors, knowing everything about on-going deals, customer contacts, product weakness...
Bye the way, I'm also mad at Steve and Larry. It seems that people leaving Sun software departments are going to Oracle (some to BEA, but I count on Larry buying them in the short term, so...), and the people that used to sell our iron is going to Micro$oft. I guess this makes sense, as Oracle is trying to build a quite serious speech in the middleware area, and Micro$oft is trying to make people believe that they can provide enterprise servers.
Well guys, Larry and Steve, I though we were partners, and that among partners we don't steel people... I'll ask the other Steve for the availability of Moshe to take some revenge...
By the way, it's curious, but it seems that Apple is not attracting many of our skilled people so far (despite the fact that this friggin device called the MacBook Pro is very easy to see in our offices).
After having fought with stakeholders so many years to avoid lay-offs, after having left the reigns to Jonathan with the promise to keep the most skilled people and to minimize the RIFs, now that the company is making money again, this is the way I get rewarded, by letting go (and now it is true that Sun is letting go people, not firing them) the people I have been taking care of during so many years?
I'm really FURIOUS. And you'll also be as soon as I post the stories that employees and ex-employees are sending me...
Jonathan, ok, don't answer the phone, but please, do something before it is too late: unfreeze the focal processes, rise the salaries, do something before I end up working as a pre-sales engineer as in the old times...
In some GEMs, there are departments that are loosing up to 50% of the skilled people, counting Architects, Engineers and Business Development Managers, so there are some parts of the business with their continuity seriously harmed with this situation. In the SOA area, we have even lost 75% of the people selling JCAPS in one of the countries, and the situation is so well handled by HR that it is quite probably that we are going to loose the rest of the department.
What the HR head of that country told me is that "they are really focused in software". I pledged her to stop focusing and start doing her job before the whole office went out to work for our competitors (I really miss to have the control in this situations: Jonathan, I want to talk to you about this, please, pick up the phone, I've tried to call you 10 times this week... and it's only Monday!).
Ok, it is a matter of money. There are a lot of new jobs in other companies, the sector is going up almost like the times of the bubble, and experienced people is hard to find so other companies are willing to pay much more money for our skilled people. Don't you think there at HR that we have the same need of technically skilled people? Don't you ever realize that it is much more cheaper to rise the salaries and the benefits of the people _ALREADY_ working for us, with a lot of experience, rather than hiring new _unexperienced_ people that will need at least one year to match the people they are substituting? Not to mention that the people leaving is going to work for our competitors, knowing everything about on-going deals, customer contacts, product weakness...
Bye the way, I'm also mad at Steve and Larry. It seems that people leaving Sun software departments are going to Oracle (some to BEA, but I count on Larry buying them in the short term, so...), and the people that used to sell our iron is going to Micro$oft. I guess this makes sense, as Oracle is trying to build a quite serious speech in the middleware area, and Micro$oft is trying to make people believe that they can provide enterprise servers.
Well guys, Larry and Steve, I though we were partners, and that among partners we don't steel people... I'll ask the other Steve for the availability of Moshe to take some revenge...
By the way, it's curious, but it seems that Apple is not attracting many of our skilled people so far (despite the fact that this friggin device called the MacBook Pro is very easy to see in our offices).
After having fought with stakeholders so many years to avoid lay-offs, after having left the reigns to Jonathan with the promise to keep the most skilled people and to minimize the RIFs, now that the company is making money again, this is the way I get rewarded, by letting go (and now it is true that Sun is letting go people, not firing them) the people I have been taking care of during so many years?
I'm really FURIOUS. And you'll also be as soon as I post the stories that employees and ex-employees are sending me...
Jonathan, ok, don't answer the phone, but please, do something before it is too late: unfreeze the focal processes, rise the salaries, do something before I end up working as a pre-sales engineer as in the old times...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
DELLizing Sun
Well, it seems that Jonathan and his team are trying to earn their living this week.
I was about to write an article about how we should improve our selling methods by "Dellizing" the company, but I think that Jonathan heard one of my interns commenting about that possible article -we'll talk later about information leaks, Ashok... maybe I should outsource the blog to the same country where FSJ has its own- because I just learned that WE have an agreement with Dell, so they'll sell our beloved and marvelous Solaris in their small irony machines.
Well, I think I have a "dejavou", Did you know where it was said that Dell rhymes with hell?
Namaste, Jonathan, good job, and keep on selling! (although it is not Sun's iron...).
I was about to write an article about how we should improve our selling methods by "Dellizing" the company, but I think that Jonathan heard one of my interns commenting about that possible article -we'll talk later about information leaks, Ashok... maybe I should outsource the blog to the same country where FSJ has its own- because I just learned that WE have an agreement with Dell, so they'll sell our beloved and marvelous Solaris in their small irony machines.
Well, I think I have a "dejavou", Did you know where it was said that Dell rhymes with hell?
Namaste, Jonathan, good job, and keep on selling! (although it is not Sun's iron...).
Sun goes shopping (III)
I've just arrived to my office, thinking of a new post, when my interns inform me about the latest acquisition intent we are doing: Vaau, a company that seems to be in the line of the Identity Management Software area.
To be honest, I don't really get the point, as we have the best IdM solution in the world. I swear it, Gartner also says the same (you don't know how much did we have to pay to hear that from Gartner; what I'd love to know is how much did IBM and Oracle pay to be next to us having such a crapy products... Well, those are my interns opinions, of course, what would Ashok and his friends know about real business?).
Well, the thing is that everybody at the Software practice is excited with this, and they say this is what we need to keep us ahead in the IdM competition. I hope so, as long as this is good to sell our Niagara II.
By the way, I still keep my poll to know what company we should buy, apart from Vaau, of course. So far it seems that RedHat is winning our little competitions, but I still want to hear your opinions so I'll let Jonathan know what you think is best for Sun.
Pic taken from Vaau site (I hope a Sun site soon).
Monday, November 5, 2007
Congratulations: Sun posts 1Q profit!
Man, oh man, I'm so glad with this kind of news, and just a few days before our stockholder meeting! Maybe this way they'll just cheer us up and avoid the difficult questions...
Jonathan, I have to congratulate you, you are doing a great job turning things up (and I expect all the shareholders to congratulate me as I was the one who choose you for the job...).
I've heard you are inviting Ballmer to taste some good fine wine, so, you don't have to invite me, I'll hop by your house in half an hour, don't worry.
And of course, thank you very much to our workforce that is making possible this recovery (despite that our software is free, did I mention that?).
So, dear Sun fellows, keep doing what you are doing, I'm proud of you (not to mention my wife when she knew about the bonus I'm going to earn thanks to you!).
Jonathan, I have to congratulate you, you are doing a great job turning things up (and I expect all the shareholders to congratulate me as I was the one who choose you for the job...).
I've heard you are inviting Ballmer to taste some good fine wine, so, you don't have to invite me, I'll hop by your house in half an hour, don't worry.
And of course, thank you very much to our workforce that is making possible this recovery (despite that our software is free, did I mention that?).
So, dear Sun fellows, keep doing what you are doing, I'm proud of you (not to mention my wife when she knew about the bonus I'm going to earn thanks to you!).
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Did I mention it was free?
The other day I went back to Las Vegas for the NICSA Technology Summit 2007. Man, I guess I was invited there to give some kind of speech about Information Technologies, or something like that. The thing is that I made a mistake and used the speech I had prepared for the CEC event, only for Sun Engineers, a few weeks before... so, once I had said that software was free about three or four times, I couldn't step back, and I had to go on with this.
Anyhow, I heard that Jonathan is quite happy to see that I finally adopted Sun's policies, and it seems that this is one of the most important things we are embracing. No, it is not creating valuable IP, or expensive software or hardware, but giving the software for free.
By the way, did I mention it was free?
Well, so, now that I said it is free, I asked Jonathan to help me defending such an statement, so he gave me some hints apart from the fact that we indemnify and protect our users against any legal action that may be issued by the fact they are using our open source technology (I don't know why are we doing this without charging our customers for that; in the automobile industry this things doesn't happen...).
So, the main reasons are:
1. Lowering the barriers to entry (well, this is obvious... but I cannot see the benefit in here; RedHat is somehow free, and they don't make even half of the revenue we have with our proprietary stuff...).
2. Open drives interoperability, as a greater community of developers will adopt our stuff and make it easier for interoperability (well, apparently our friend Jobso didn't heard about that, as they are not using Java in their iPhraud neither their new Leopold!! Well, as Jobso says, namaste).
3. Open lowers the cost of R&D (yep, it is true... or well, it makes sense, as long as you have a community developing software for free that you can sell later... but the thing is, how you make those frigtards to develop new and cute products for you for free? The answer is that finally you have to pay most of the "community programmers", so they can finally build a real community, 'cause otherwise they end up doing their own applications and not the Sun applications we want to sell to the customers. Not to mention the hardware stuff, that we also made free: not many mentally sane people are going to make improvements _for_free_ in our T1 chips. And then there is the quality assurance, as you cannot provide support nor sell a code that you are not sure that doesn't contain any IP belonging to other company or violating any patent. And then you have to freeze the versions to provide appropriate support, as to provide real support for a open source code you need to hire an army of programmers and the become IBM Global Services... well, maybe it is not so easy to see the lowering in costs so easily.. ).
4. Open is secure. And although this is a counterintuitive statement, nobody can think of a Java virus so far (I don't know if this statement makes sense, but Jonathan told me to say that. Did I mention it was free?).
5. Open lowers the barriers to exit. Wait, wait, wait: I'm not supposed to say that to customers... Well, I can tell them the usual story of "we are using standards so you can choose technology from other providers", but we know we don't really mean it, do we?
Well, the people at the conference were so shocked that they didn't make many questions at last. But Jonathan, you have to help me because next week we have our annual stockholder meeting, and I'm afraid they'll ask just one silly question: Sun is not a services company, as IBM, to make profit from open source products. So, how are we going to make money by giving all our staff (not only the old-fashioned products everybody can download because there are hundreds of similar clones that do the same job -example: Web Server vs. Apache- also the new very valuable products nobody has so far) for free???
And then I'll have to respond to all our sales people in the software branch asking for their bonuses... and for their jobs...
Anyhow, I heard that Jonathan is quite happy to see that I finally adopted Sun's policies, and it seems that this is one of the most important things we are embracing. No, it is not creating valuable IP, or expensive software or hardware, but giving the software for free.
By the way, did I mention it was free?
Well, so, now that I said it is free, I asked Jonathan to help me defending such an statement, so he gave me some hints apart from the fact that we indemnify and protect our users against any legal action that may be issued by the fact they are using our open source technology (I don't know why are we doing this without charging our customers for that; in the automobile industry this things doesn't happen...).
So, the main reasons are:
1. Lowering the barriers to entry (well, this is obvious... but I cannot see the benefit in here; RedHat is somehow free, and they don't make even half of the revenue we have with our proprietary stuff...).
2. Open drives interoperability, as a greater community of developers will adopt our stuff and make it easier for interoperability (well, apparently our friend Jobso didn't heard about that, as they are not using Java in their iPhraud neither their new Leopold!! Well, as Jobso says, namaste).
3. Open lowers the cost of R&D (yep, it is true... or well, it makes sense, as long as you have a community developing software for free that you can sell later... but the thing is, how you make those frigtards to develop new and cute products for you for free? The answer is that finally you have to pay most of the "community programmers", so they can finally build a real community, 'cause otherwise they end up doing their own applications and not the Sun applications we want to sell to the customers. Not to mention the hardware stuff, that we also made free: not many mentally sane people are going to make improvements _for_free_ in our T1 chips. And then there is the quality assurance, as you cannot provide support nor sell a code that you are not sure that doesn't contain any IP belonging to other company or violating any patent. And then you have to freeze the versions to provide appropriate support, as to provide real support for a open source code you need to hire an army of programmers and the become IBM Global Services... well, maybe it is not so easy to see the lowering in costs so easily.. ).
4. Open is secure. And although this is a counterintuitive statement, nobody can think of a Java virus so far (I don't know if this statement makes sense, but Jonathan told me to say that. Did I mention it was free?).
5. Open lowers the barriers to exit. Wait, wait, wait: I'm not supposed to say that to customers... Well, I can tell them the usual story of "we are using standards so you can choose technology from other providers", but we know we don't really mean it, do we?
Well, the people at the conference were so shocked that they didn't make many questions at last. But Jonathan, you have to help me because next week we have our annual stockholder meeting, and I'm afraid they'll ask just one silly question: Sun is not a services company, as IBM, to make profit from open source products. So, how are we going to make money by giving all our staff (not only the old-fashioned products everybody can download because there are hundreds of similar clones that do the same job -example: Web Server vs. Apache- also the new very valuable products nobody has so far) for free???
And then I'll have to respond to all our sales people in the software branch asking for their bonuses... and for their jobs...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Leopard and Java: Is the party really over?
Dear Jobso,
I'm astonished after knowing that you are not including Java 1.6 in your latest version of Mac OS, that kitty thing (ups, sorry, my intern says the real name is Leopard). I've read some comments from our developers, you know, the communities we love to love at Sun, and that you should also love because they give you the value to your frigging operating system. Admit if my friend, just the OS is not cool enough to attract the public, you need the applications. As one of my advisers told me, is like having Viagra without having a chick: it's worth nothing. And you have to admit that there is a frigging huge community of Java developers out there waiting to upgrade to Leopard to make cool Java applications that are now thinking of switching to the Borg!
But, why is Apple not including Java in Leopold, as Ballmer calls it? It's quite simple: because they have to pay us royalties for every copy of Leopard including Java. It's that simple. That is the reason why the iPhone is not including Java, because Jobso doesn't want to pay us the royalties.
Jobso, my friend, I was about to think that you are having financial troubles with your company, but then your shares are skyrocketing and you are getting so much money from the iPhone (you are even getting money from the carriers if they sell your product!) that you even had to sell it cheaper... or is that you were not really selling as much iPhone as you say? Come on, Jobso, don't be so mean, spend a little money and make those poor developers happy again (and the Sun board will thank you too).
Scooter.
I'm astonished after knowing that you are not including Java 1.6 in your latest version of Mac OS, that kitty thing (ups, sorry, my intern says the real name is Leopard). I've read some comments from our developers, you know, the communities we love to love at Sun, and that you should also love because they give you the value to your frigging operating system. Admit if my friend, just the OS is not cool enough to attract the public, you need the applications. As one of my advisers told me, is like having Viagra without having a chick: it's worth nothing. And you have to admit that there is a frigging huge community of Java developers out there waiting to upgrade to Leopard to make cool Java applications that are now thinking of switching to the Borg!
But, why is Apple not including Java in Leopold, as Ballmer calls it? It's quite simple: because they have to pay us royalties for every copy of Leopard including Java. It's that simple. That is the reason why the iPhone is not including Java, because Jobso doesn't want to pay us the royalties.
Jobso, my friend, I was about to think that you are having financial troubles with your company, but then your shares are skyrocketing and you are getting so much money from the iPhone (you are even getting money from the carriers if they sell your product!) that you even had to sell it cheaper... or is that you were not really selling as much iPhone as you say? Come on, Jobso, don't be so mean, spend a little money and make those poor developers happy again (and the Sun board will thank you too).
Scooter.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Scooter is back.
I'm back from my tortuous travel, and I have some interesting things to say in the following days. It took me more than I had foreseen to be back from Vegas, not because Jonathan doesn't allow me to use the corporate jet anymore (I understand it Jonathan, but making me travel with (low)Cost-inental and even not in business at least, is outrageous!), but because I had some interesting meetings. For instance, I stopped at D.C. to meet with (fake) Hillary to talk about her campaign and her funds raising (man, she is accumulating zillions for the presidential race), and to tell her that I will be supporting her (as soon as I know who will probably win in the Republican side I'll probably do the same, but less passionate, you know, we're Sun, we were very happy with Bill in the White House, with the bubble and so on, making the shares to boost to $80... I'm feeling nostalgic...).
Jonathan, if we haven't contributed to Hillary's campaign, believe me, it is the time to do so.
On the other side, one of our readers has suggested I should talk more about Sun Federal. I'll do it, I promise, as soon as I found out what it is about, I'll explain it to you.
If you think I spend all the time at D.C. pushing Sun Federal, you are wrong: I only go to D.C. if there is a good concert at the Kennedy Center, or if the President invites me to the inaugural party (this week they had the Solar Decathlon, a competition about Sun powered houses, so that's why I went there, to find out that those frigging houses were powered by the Sun, not by Sun Micro equipement... I was lucky to have scheduled my appointment with Hillary so the voyage was very interesting at last).
Jonathan, if we haven't contributed to Hillary's campaign, believe me, it is the time to do so.
On the other side, one of our readers has suggested I should talk more about Sun Federal. I'll do it, I promise, as soon as I found out what it is about, I'll explain it to you.
If you think I spend all the time at D.C. pushing Sun Federal, you are wrong: I only go to D.C. if there is a good concert at the Kennedy Center, or if the President invites me to the inaugural party (this week they had the Solar Decathlon, a competition about Sun powered houses, so that's why I went there, to find out that those frigging houses were powered by the Sun, not by Sun Micro equipement... I was lucky to have scheduled my appointment with Hillary so the voyage was very interesting at last).
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Scooter is Travelling these weeks
First of all I have to thank (I'll deny it in my memoirs), our (now, after we signed the OEM deal agreement with M$) dear Fake Steve Ballmer for sending me the photos from our Fake CEO's of The World Conference.
Yes, as you may have guessed, this is one of the reasons why I'm writting so little lately. The meeting was very interesting, and I had a real chance to expose to other CEO's the way to ruin, I mean, to reign a company as Sun, using samples from my decisions and the ones Jonathan is making lately.
I'll try to come back as soon as possible to share my vision with you, but I've heard that sun is holding an engineering conference in Las Vegas next week. I'm not interested at all in talking to engineers now that I'm retired, but I'm curious to know what is Jonathan to talk about there as he didn't invite me this time to go and make one of my arch-famous speeches!! (No, I'm not jealous, just curious...).
By the way, our poll about what software company should we buy is running, and RedHat is winning so far.
I'll come back as soon as possible and maybe I have some interesting things from Las Vegas to tell you (maybe I'm even lucky gambling).
Yes, as you may have guessed, this is one of the reasons why I'm writting so little lately. The meeting was very interesting, and I had a real chance to expose to other CEO's the way to ruin, I mean, to reign a company as Sun, using samples from my decisions and the ones Jonathan is making lately.
I'll try to come back as soon as possible to share my vision with you, but I've heard that sun is holding an engineering conference in Las Vegas next week. I'm not interested at all in talking to engineers now that I'm retired, but I'm curious to know what is Jonathan to talk about there as he didn't invite me this time to go and make one of my arch-famous speeches!! (No, I'm not jealous, just curious...).
By the way, our poll about what software company should we buy is running, and RedHat is winning so far.
I'll come back as soon as possible and maybe I have some interesting things from Las Vegas to tell you (maybe I'm even lucky gambling).
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Sun Shopping: II
Well, as you may know, there is a rumor over there saying that BEA is being sold. We are not really interested in buying BEA nor anything that may resemble (real) software. Er, I mean, we are interested in buying authentic software companies, as those that build chic keyboards or wonderful monitors for our servers, but one has to listen to the market and the shareholders and so on, so, I'm beginning a pool to decide which company is best to be bought by Sun in a near future. I admit suggestions but while I receive your comments, I'll add some companies to start up: BEA, Oracle, SAP (I don't know why the call it a software company, as we sell huge iron whenever they sell their stuff, but, you know...), Micro$oft, IBM (their Lotus and software part, you know), RedHat and Novell. I'd also add Dell, but my intern here says they are not into the software business... ok then. Once we have a result, I'll ask you about ideas of what to do with them.
And they say I cannot manage a big company, ha!
And they say I cannot manage a big company, ha!
Hiring at Sun
Yeah, I know, I have been out for a while, but you know, at first Jonathan kept me away of all the Micro$soft news (arrrgh, it still hurts when I recall the agreement... If I hadn't appointed the guy to the job...), with no real reason, as I think this is right for the business (arhg, that sting again, I will not mention that subject again). Then, I was a little bit busy trying to find adequate people to help Sun, people we call "intellectual capital", people capable to provide a difference. That's why I have been in conversation with Senator Ernest Chambers.
As you may know, Senator Chambers has just begun a legal battle with God, and that's one of the main reasons we want to hire him: If he is able to sue God, imagine what he will do with NetApp!!!
Dear folks of NetApp, didn't you have enough knowing what we did with Micro$oft? Didn't you know that we were able to get some billions from the Borg (as Jobso likes to say) after our legal battle? As you seem to be deaf, we will fight you as in the old times, whaaaaa!!!!
By the way, Jobso, thanks for providing me with such wonderful photo of me in the old times when I really did so much fighting against all those Borgs trying to dominate the world and so on...
Oh, and people from NetApp, no hard feelings, please, after we have gotten your money, we may became OEM resellers of your stuff, you know how this works.
(Pictures from the Wikipedia and from Fake Steve Jobs).
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The New Slogan for Sun: Related to Web 2.0
I've seen lately that our friend FSJ is wondering what our new slogan is going to be, and as I can see that he has not a clue at all, I want to make him a favor, in the name of the 'ol times where we were about to merge in one company, you know.
Well, I know that this kind of announcements are Jonathan specialty, but as he is kinda busy with the Microsoft announcement and buying some kind of "software" company, I want to give you the premier of the new slogan (besides, it is my invention, that is why Jonathan says I'm a great asset for the company). Ok, lets stop talking, here you have it:
Sun, we are the Zero in Web 2.0
You know, I liked the old one of the dot com, but revised for the new times.
Well, I know that this kind of announcements are Jonathan specialty, but as he is kinda busy with the Microsoft announcement and buying some kind of "software" company, I want to give you the premier of the new slogan (besides, it is my invention, that is why Jonathan says I'm a great asset for the company). Ok, lets stop talking, here you have it:
Sun, we are the Zero in Web 2.0
You know, I liked the old one of the dot com, but revised for the new times.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Let's go Shopping!
Yeah, you may know it already, we are shopping, we are buying some companies to extend our superior dominance over the enterprise market.
The only thing is that Jonathan doesn't allow me to be at all the Board meetings (come on, oh, man oh man, you got the job thanks to me, lemme play a little bit, pleeeeeasse!!!).
Er, wel, ahemm, I'm sure Jonathan is going to ask me for a piece of advice on this subject, so I have just one piece of advice: play boldly! Play aggressively! Do a movement that will let that Jobso with his mouth open and saying "why I didn't do that before" (oh, sorry, I forgot Jobso only plays in minor leagues, selling consumer products, as they cannot compete in the reeeeal Enterprise market 'cause there is already a leader: Sun). Besides, he's too busy with the rebate issue and so on.
So, some suggestions: NetAppliace (and then fire all the NetApp board for just thinking of suing us). No wait, it ain't a good idea, I don't want to five a dime to those patent trolls. I think it will be better to promote a "NetApp away" program, as those we had with HP, to let them with no customer at all. I'll post abou it later.
Another suggestion: Titleist. They are very famous for making the best irons in the market (I guess that after our SunFire or Enterprise family, of course). Well I'm such a fan for iron that I never use woods playing golf.
Oh, wait, the intern is saying that Titleist is not a suitable company for Sun, despite their irons (What the hell do this interns know of business? Besides, they are all foreigners!!).
Oh, wait again, it seems that we are buying a software company.....
....
....
Weeeelll, ok, software... hmmmm, not a big one, with interesting technology, financial health... I know of some companies that may be queuing to be bought by us (Larry, sorry, I guess you are not appealing for us). Jonathan, you get me puzzled... If I held the reigns, I have some suggestions: RedHat (to do with them the same we did with Cobalt, just throw this frigging OS they have to the dustbin); Novell-Suse (to do with them the same we did with Cobalt and to boost our new 'friends' at IBM to adopt Solaris); that small losers company called Micro$oft (nah, just joking!); SAP (to sell it later to Larry, once we have doomed it as we did with Cobalt). What? Ah, ok, SAP is tooo big, ok, discard them. There is also that company called Bridgestream (uh, oh, ok, Larry called a few minutes ago to say they already purchased it...). Weelll. ok, Larry, you were faster this time, but I may buy Postgress or MySQL and do some harm to you in revenge, so don't go flaunting so much!
Well, Jonathan, I'm running out of ideas. Why don't you start a poll in your blog so people can just vote which company they'd be happy if bought it?
The only thing is that Jonathan doesn't allow me to be at all the Board meetings (come on, oh, man oh man, you got the job thanks to me, lemme play a little bit, pleeeeeasse!!!).
Er, wel, ahemm, I'm sure Jonathan is going to ask me for a piece of advice on this subject, so I have just one piece of advice: play boldly! Play aggressively! Do a movement that will let that Jobso with his mouth open and saying "why I didn't do that before" (oh, sorry, I forgot Jobso only plays in minor leagues, selling consumer products, as they cannot compete in the reeeeal Enterprise market 'cause there is already a leader: Sun). Besides, he's too busy with the rebate issue and so on.
So, some suggestions: NetAppliace (and then fire all the NetApp board for just thinking of suing us). No wait, it ain't a good idea, I don't want to five a dime to those patent trolls. I think it will be better to promote a "NetApp away" program, as those we had with HP, to let them with no customer at all. I'll post abou it later.
Another suggestion: Titleist. They are very famous for making the best irons in the market (I guess that after our SunFire or Enterprise family, of course). Well I'm such a fan for iron that I never use woods playing golf.
Oh, wait, the intern is saying that Titleist is not a suitable company for Sun, despite their irons (What the hell do this interns know of business? Besides, they are all foreigners!!).
Oh, wait again, it seems that we are buying a software company.....
....
....
Weeeelll, ok, software... hmmmm, not a big one, with interesting technology, financial health... I know of some companies that may be queuing to be bought by us (Larry, sorry, I guess you are not appealing for us). Jonathan, you get me puzzled... If I held the reigns, I have some suggestions: RedHat (to do with them the same we did with Cobalt, just throw this frigging OS they have to the dustbin); Novell-Suse (to do with them the same we did with Cobalt and to boost our new 'friends' at IBM to adopt Solaris); that small losers company called Micro$oft (nah, just joking!); SAP (to sell it later to Larry, once we have doomed it as we did with Cobalt). What? Ah, ok, SAP is tooo big, ok, discard them. There is also that company called Bridgestream (uh, oh, ok, Larry called a few minutes ago to say they already purchased it...). Weelll. ok, Larry, you were faster this time, but I may buy Postgress or MySQL and do some harm to you in revenge, so don't go flaunting so much!
Well, Jonathan, I'm running out of ideas. Why don't you start a poll in your blog so people can just vote which company they'd be happy if bought it?
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Homer: Thanks for inviting me to your show.
Dear Homer,
I really appreciate your invitation to take part in your show, in the episode "The Simpsons at wild west 2.0".
I am absolutely excited of being part of the show, and I really like the takes where I took part, but, honestly, I cannot remember filming the episode... and I'm not forgetting to take regularly my pills..
Anyhow, it seems like a kind of fashion for everybody in the Valley to be a part of your show, so I'd really thank you if you could broadcast again this episode, so I can show all the rest of the Fakes who was the real first fake to take part in your show.
Yours sincerely,
Fake Scott.
(Intern writer note: Should I address it to Homer, or to Fake Homer? Here at Bangalore we don't have very clear the meaning of all that Fake People. I should have followed my uncle Apu's advice to travel to Amerika to find a decent job at the Kwik-E-Mart).
I really appreciate your invitation to take part in your show, in the episode "The Simpsons at wild west 2.0".
I am absolutely excited of being part of the show, and I really like the takes where I took part, but, honestly, I cannot remember filming the episode... and I'm not forgetting to take regularly my pills..
Anyhow, it seems like a kind of fashion for everybody in the Valley to be a part of your show, so I'd really thank you if you could broadcast again this episode, so I can show all the rest of the Fakes who was the real first fake to take part in your show.
Yours sincerely,
Fake Scott.
(Intern writer note: Should I address it to Homer, or to Fake Homer? Here at Bangalore we don't have very clear the meaning of all that Fake People. I should have followed my uncle Apu's advice to travel to Amerika to find a decent job at the Kwik-E-Mart).
Searching for Higher Marks
Jonathan, are you already back from your little excursion to El Capitan?
I have to recognize you have the guts, although I didn't expected you to come back so soon... I was planning to help you a little more with the company and planned a meeting with Michael Lehman (I have some frigging good ideas about turning up the shares and reaching higher marks for Sun).
Anyhow, Fake Larry told me he didn't finished the summit because he found it way too easy and because he had promised me a sail in his new litlle boat (you know him, he said that in the middle of the sea when we
were running out of dry Martinis), so that's the reason why he came back before time (I now he was quite happy when he begun hugging me and telling me how much he loved our Solaris to run his stuff instead of the Freetards stuff, you know...).
The thing is, Jonathan, I have a lot of faith in what you can achieve, so I have been searching for new opportunities for you, and ways of reaching higher marks for you and for Sun. So, next thing you have to do is climbing a higher mountain, like the one in the following picture:
And don't worry, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to do such a thing, I can handle the company while you are away. It is more, while you were climbing, our shares boosted, so it seems I did it quite right while you were on your little excursion... Imagine if you were away a few days more...
(Images from Fake Jonathan's Secret Diary and Wikipedia.org)
I have to recognize you have the guts, although I didn't expected you to come back so soon... I was planning to help you a little more with the company and planned a meeting with Michael Lehman (I have some frigging good ideas about turning up the shares and reaching higher marks for Sun).
Anyhow, Fake Larry told me he didn't finished the summit because he found it way too easy and because he had promised me a sail in his new litlle boat (you know him, he said that in the middle of the sea when we
were running out of dry Martinis), so that's the reason why he came back before time (I now he was quite happy when he begun hugging me and telling me how much he loved our Solaris to run his stuff instead of the Freetards stuff, you know...).
The thing is, Jonathan, I have a lot of faith in what you can achieve, so I have been searching for new opportunities for you, and ways of reaching higher marks for you and for Sun. So, next thing you have to do is climbing a higher mountain, like the one in the following picture:
And don't worry, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to do such a thing, I can handle the company while you are away. It is more, while you were climbing, our shares boosted, so it seems I did it quite right while you were on your little excursion... Imagine if you were away a few days more...
(Images from Fake Jonathan's Secret Diary and Wikipedia.org)
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Driving Innovation.
Hey dudes, I'm not only back blogging here, but I got also some responsibilities in one of our mainstream divisions at Sun, the Sun Microsystems Federal Inc.
One of our aims is to server our Great country, and one of our clients is our Army, so we decided to create an exclusive version of one of our most advanced and "avant-garded" products: the datacenter in a box, or, as you already know it, the BlackBox (Please, do not confuse it with black operations, it is something absolutely not related to that), in camouflage version.
This is just a prototype. We are planning to offer several versions, with winter camouflage, Western Europe Scenario camouflage and a Dessert Storm special edition.
I think it is clearly spotted in the picture that WE at Sun are driving innovation.
So, what are you waiting for? Rush to buy one of our BlackBoxes and install it in your garden, or your roof!
(Photo by Sun Microsystems, of course)
One of our aims is to server our Great country, and one of our clients is our Army, so we decided to create an exclusive version of one of our most advanced and "avant-garded" products: the datacenter in a box, or, as you already know it, the BlackBox (Please, do not confuse it with black operations, it is something absolutely not related to that), in camouflage version.
This is just a prototype. We are planning to offer several versions, with winter camouflage, Western Europe Scenario camouflage and a Dessert Storm special edition.
I think it is clearly spotted in the picture that WE at Sun are driving innovation.
So, what are you waiting for? Rush to buy one of our BlackBoxes and install it in your garden, or your roof!
(Photo by Sun Microsystems, of course)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Back in business!
The other day I was absolutely fed-up with playing golf and being politically correct with customers and over all with our competition. But as I retired, it is not so easy to go back kicking ass again as if those years hadn't passed and all was like in the 90's. After all, I choose Jonathan for the job (well, it's true, I expected him to fail so I could get back triumphant..), and the boy is doing it quite well. Even that awckward movement of changing the ticker to Java has paid off (so far...), and the stocks are performing right.
It is not a matter of changing to a more macho game like hockey or the like (which I rather prefer from golf). I need corporate action, shark fighting, and criticising Micro$oft.
So, as the new (and retired) Scooter cannot do such things, I thought in copying Jonathan idea of starting a blog. And then there was that fake Steve, and again that fake Jonathan, so they can say what they really think without bothering about stockholders and lawyers, so I came to Jonathan (the fake, of course) to ask him a piece of advice.
He looked at me, messed his ponytail and said "no problem, I'll send you someone from my blog team to help you starting yours. But, if you really want to do an interesting blog, and different from the rest of fake CEOs, you have to go out of the Santa Clara offices and travel, all around the World, to meet new people and new ideas: Share with the World".
Well, I'm not really certain about his intentions right now, but then it sounded like a great idea. Besides, being a fake person, I can be today here and tomorrow in Tokyo, and five minutes later in Scotland with Bono (oh, sorry, I just learned from Steve that Bono is not Scottish but Irish, I think).
Nevertheless, as Sun (JAVA) is doing, I'm back!
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