Suggestions from our readers

As I told you, I receive daily thousands of wonderful emails from our beloved readers.
I cannot answer all of them, nor follow all their suggestions and pieces of advice (for instance, I don't remember having played and much less won a multi-billion prize from the Micro$oft Lottery, Ballmer swears they don't have one either!; not to mention the lovely letters from the daughter of the former ruler of an African country that has asked my help to recover the money stolen by her father...).

Well, never mind, I wanted to thank our beloved reader Jim (I won't use his surname, it is enough with the SunId he so gently enclosed in his email), who sent this suggestion:

You need to convince Ellison to spend more time on his yacht so that you can take over the combined company. If done right, there is the opportunity to take a big bite out of the Big Blue Whale and the Toad of the North. A single source for iron, o/s, database, apps, and service is an idea whose time has come again.

Thanks for all the good years,

Well, that is right now what I'm trying to do, so I asked him to sail to the Caiman Islands, as I claimed I never was there before and he seems to have sailed the seven seas.
Jim, I really like how you say thank you. Come to my office when I arrive next Monday, we'll talk about your new position at Oracle.

The only problem of this trick is that while we are away, Jonathan is in charge of the company... Well, what could go wrong?

Sailing Away!

Yes, I'm sailing away, at least for the weekend. I had an appointment with Larry to adjust some details of the merger, so he said "pal, why don't we discuss it off-shore?" I couldn't say no, he is going to be in charge from now on, so I was going to propose him a cancellation with any kind of excuse because of the bad weather in the Bay Area (if it is only 58 here in the coast, imagine off-shore!, not to talk about the wind and the rain...), when I suddenly remembered the yacht that Larry has...

Nothing wrong can happen in a ship called "Rising Sun".
We are supposed to be back on Monday for usual business, but with Larry you never know...
Anyway, with the satellite phone installed in the ship I can instruct Ashok to post my thoughts as usual. Larry is also planning to install a Datacenter in a Box with some Sun Rays, matching the name of the ship, so communication is not a problem there.

All is calm on the front.

After posting our marvelous results from Q3, many of you were expecting the usual financial perspective email from our friend Lehman. So, as it was not coming, I stepped by his office to ask him if there was any hidden reason why he hadn't posted it yet. Fear not my friends, there is no hidden reason nor it is a silence imposed by Oracle as one of the points in our agreement. The reality is that after what happened to Sun, and being called Lehman, the guy is quite worried about his future and as he told me a few minutes ago: "Boss -he still calls me that, I really like it-, I'm terrified about my future, so I'm brushing up my resume and calling all the headhunters in the Valley. I'd better start right now, and maybe in a year or so I'll be earning enough to pay the mortgage".

So, there is no conspiracy of silence. It is just business as usual.

Now excuse me, I have to deal with the transition team. They are claiming the space next to my office, where I used to store the golf clubs. I need them to play with Larry.

Playing in the Titanic Orchestra.

Have you ever thought how should have been a member of the Titanic Orchestra? They played all along while the ship was sinking, until the end, the didn't stop doing it despite they knew their fate.
Well, if you want to know what it feels like, I'd suggest you to join Sun, but Oracle has stopped all hiring of new employees (also firings, although it is too late for so many good people...).
We know our days are numbered, but here we are, today we'll post the quarterly results (analysts are debating between those who think we'll post loses, and those who say we'll post huge loses).

I wonder how would MLP look with one of those hats. With Larry you should not play those kinds of jokes. But with Jonathan...

Well, here we are, waiting to our fate to come, relying in Oracle's mercy, as from our leaders at Sun only silence can be expected.
Oh, I really liked the SORE proposed new ticked for Sun. Soracle, what an occurrence... Larry is still laughing (then he added something like 'we'll make nobody will ever remember the Sun Microsystems name' or something like that; this is what happens when he spends too much time at the Gym).

Well, at least it will be funny to see those guys at Sony-Ericsson, LG, Sony, etc., that are using Java for some peanuts when the Oracle sales reps. will tell them about the new license conditions... this will be a quite funny moment.

Another funny moment will be that related to the open-source community, MySQL and free software in general.
Over all with everything related to opensourcing Java. Dear friends of IBM, as you are one of the most interested people about this subject, not quoting exactly what Larry told me the other day, but trying to transmit his idea, he commented something like this: "Opensource? My ass!!" Well, I'm not sure if this was the case, a golf ball hitted me in the head this Sunday and since then I cannot hear pretty well, but you can see Oracle's huge and clear history of opensourcing software....

Jonathan, you missed you last Five Minute Friday (crap) Session, so I'm suggesting a new leaflet to announce the next one. This piece of advice, just for free, my friend:

And now, the end is near, and so I face the final courtain; My friend, I'll say it clear, I'll state my case, of which I'm certain. I've lived, a life that't full, I've travelled each and every highway, and more, much more thant this, I did it... (rehearsing for my performance with the Titanic Orchestra).

What will you do in the shareholders meeting?

Well, it seems that my sessions with Dr. Jack Daniels are going to the same place where most of the jobs of the people working at Sun by now, so I decided to change therapist.

Meanwhile, as I try to defeat my growing depression, I'll leave you a new poll. As you know, the shareholders have to approve (or not...) the merger of the company with Oracle (yes, I know, they are buying us out of the market, but if I say merger is less painful). After the gentleman (I am making a terrible effort not to calling them crappy bastards, as I'm a gentleman too, I won't) of Southeastern Asset Management sold its 22% of the company, we don't know to whom, there is a little bit of uncertainty about the result of the voting, so, I'm asking you, fellow shareholders of Sun shares: Will you vote for or _AGAINST_ the selling of the company to Oracle?
I won't tell you my vote to not bias your decision, although I guess you already know what I'll be doing...

Have a nice weekend.

The Rats Abandon the Ship

Well, what can I say, I just read the comments you, fellow workers, left on my previous article. I'm humbled, I'm thankful for coming and reading me, I'm amazed, what more can I say... Thank you.
(fake) Anil, I count on you too, I hope to see you around, and maybe one day we'll have a few beers too.

Yesterday I was so depressed I thought of abandoning the blog and not coming again, but after some therapy with Mr. Daniels, Jack Daniels, I've realized that only the rats abandon the ship when they think it is sinking. I'm not a rat (perhaps a little mouse, but not a rat), so I'll keep on coming around here -when I take a rest from brushing up my resume and sending it to all the headhunters I know- to say what I think and to hear what you say. Thank you again folks. If (real) Scooter had the guts, what an army he could lead!

Well, talking about RATS (Real Asset managemenT traderS -no, I'm not calling them rats, I'd never insult anybody, no matter how mad I feel, I'd never call those people scum, pundits, bandits, traitors, nor any other offensive word you could imagine- ): Southeastern Asset Management (I won't call them SAM 'cause I have a friend called Sam and I appreciate him too much to compare him with those "gentleman") has sold ALL the shares they had from Sun, at prices between 9.04 and 9.09 dollars.

Well, maybe I'm not quite good at maths, but this means that if they had waited until the closure of the Oracle deal they'd earned about $80 million more... not to mention that they bought the cheapest Sun's shares at about $12 (that makes about $500 million...).
Well, I can earn a new living as financial advisor: dear customers, don't trust in O. Mason Hawkins (the man that leads that band of smugglers, I mean, investors), at least leaving the money to Mr. Madoff you had the hope to get your money back. With Southeastern you know you'll loose it.
I hope they don't have any position in Jack Daniels, as we all have seen what they meant when they said they were a long-term investor in Sun...

So, after the maths lesson, now we have to call a detective to find out what is happening here... Why have Southeaster sold all the shares so soon, loosing so many money? Aren't they afraid of the legal actions their stakeholders may take against them, as we were threatened after the (speculated) rejection of the IBM offer.

Maybe we are just told a part of the story, what they want us to swallow. Maybe it wasn't Southeaster who were selling the company to each and every company in the World and have just taken the money as soon as they had an opportunity, as they are not sure at last if the deal will be completed at last (which, to certain extend would be a relieve for me in the personal side, but would be the final lost of credibility for the company).
Maybe it was just a couple of old friends, a powerful CEO and an ex-powerful ex-CEO, spending a weekend sailing in the gorgeous yatch of the CEO, talking about the glory days, and how they could merge their companies to become the next Borg. In the meantime, they'd only had to allow the hardware maker to decline little by little, assimilating competitors of the software maker to avoid suspicions from the antitrust authorities. They'd choose a dumb or better, a dumber CEO to be the puppet in the hands of the ex-CEO, so the deciline of the hardware maker would be, apparently, irreversible, and so nobody would be opposite to the merger. The final dramatic act would be to deceive the Borg, or even the Original Borg, so it would be neccesary the appearance of a white knight (well, or a red and white one) to save the struggling hardware maker, and thus putting a happy ending to the story.
I guess after this job as a blogger they'll offer me to write the new Harry Potter book, at least.

Well, this is just a story, a speculation, and as you know, Sun donesn't comment on speculations. Now that the biggest part of the shares was sold, and we don't know who, it would be fun to see the acquisiton rejected in the shareholders meeting... This would mean that we would see our marketing team doing something we never saw them doing in the past 10 years: working.

Now that we are talking about ships, I'll add some comments about the Titanic and the pathetic music band playing while the ship is sinking, as if nothing was happening at all.
By the way, as I was in therapy with mr. Daniels I lost the town-hall with Oracle at the Menlo Park Campus (yes, I know it was at 8 AM, but Mr. Daniels wakes up early for his sessions...), so if you attended I guess it will be fun if you leave your comments and impressions on what they said they are gonna do with Sun.

May the force be with you (never the schwartz).

Sun is Dead. Long Live the New Borg!!

So, this is the end (or quite so, sometimes miracles happen). After the Borg and the Original Borg, Sun has died to create the New Borg with Oracle.

You don't know how sad I feel at this very moment. I, like most of you, had really believed that Sun's management was working hard because the company was viable. Why so much suffering, so many people fired, so many restructuring, to give all away at last?

Indeed this is a process that has been planned from a long, long, long time ago: the MySQL acquisition was only an excuse to eliminate a long-term threat (as if Sun had eliminated Linux before it became a real threat to Solaris; Oracle learnt from our mistakes). The BEA acquisition was another way to pave the road (Sun couldn't buy BEA without loosing credibility, so they had to do it at that time to now consolidate that mddleware with Sun's portfolio). The IBIS implantation at Sun, a complete Oracle ERP/CRM (Jonathan told you that we betted on a full Oracle solution for our CRM, so, don't say he didn't warned you...).

Well, at last, there are some positive sides: most of our hardware and Solaris employees are safe, because this is what Oracle is after: they want to become the next IBM, so they need such people.

Who are the winners?

-Oracle: With just the cash Larry had in his pocket, he has bought Java and Solaris and all the iron around Sun. And in the software area they have eliminated a formidable competitor that was eroding their efforts in middleware and Identity Management.
-Sun's board: as you already know, the members of the board are going to receive a huge amount of money for treasoning all the 35,000 employees and the uncountable number of Sun's customers.

Who are those that don't win and don't loose?

-Apparently Southeastern is loosing money, as they bought most of their share for more than $12, but they seem happy to have sold their shares by $9.50. I don't understand it...
-Hardware employees from Sun. I mentioned that before. I don't know if this acquisition is good or bad for them, so we'll let it neutral.
-IBM: A new big enemy (ORA), but an old one less (Sun), and an opportunity to increase its market share with angry Sun-Oracle customers. Business as usual.

Who are the loosers?

-Sun's software employees (IdM, Glassfish, MySQL...): Well, you should start searching for a new job... This is that 'Lando Calrissian' moment in the "The Empire Strikes Back" when he warns everybody in the Cloud City (hah, get the point?) that the Empire is there and they have to run for their lives...
-Sun's RIFed employees: Sorry pals, there are no plans to hire you back... some of you weren't saved just by 5 minutes... this is saddest part of this whole thing. The damned board don't realize they are dealing with people, this is not a fucking Monopoly Board Game...!!!
-HP: Guys, you are in a middle of an IBM-Oracle sandwich now... I think you are screwed, with no middleware, HP-UX, a kind of zombie, and just x86 hardware (and printers) to sell. Yes, you have EDS... and you'll end up as just a huge EDS, with a shorter name.
-Dell: Well, the Borg is your only hope now, if HP is not faster than you... You are more than screwed.
-Customers: Choice is over. Oracle is here to squeeze you until your last drop of blood.
-OpenSource: Well, I don't know if this is good or bad, but I don't think Oracle knows what is to give software for free or opensourcing a code... It is as easy as removing all the "community developers" that in fact are Sun's employees, and all those 'open-projects' will just die little by little.

-And me: I won't say this blog is over, but I don't think I'll be coming around so often. I have the same agreement that (real) Scott has, but I'm getting fake dollars instead of real ones, so I stay the same way: poor. This is the main problem of being a fake person. I even had prepared the eventuallity of being acquired by IBM by reserving the 'Fake Palmisano' blog... the fake Larry Ellison was already taken (and abandoned a long, long time ago, as far as I know). I don't know, maybe I'll come back to tell you how is the life of an ex-CEO in Oracle, or how Ashok does in the new company (if he is not fired). Or maybe I'll be here commenting on other marvellous happenings and news.
Well, I'll spend some days sailing, thinking, and, drinking enourmous quantities of bourbon.

God bless you. Good luck!