Letters from Ashok-Jima

Well, this months are being a total rush: the Oracle deal, the DOJ sneaking in detail into the deal, the JavaOne with my stellar performance with Larry (Jonathon was just there as he insisted so much to be...), the many travels to see the Lakers winning the NBA, sailing with Larry, flying in the fighter jet with Larry, dinner with Larry, golf with Larry...

So, I decided I'd leave Ashok the time to talk a little by himself, as he also insisted so much saying that he has an important message to say. So, Ashok, go ahead.

Namaste.

Thank you so much mista Ballm... (sorry, I have to do a lot of extra jobs to pay the mortgage), I mean, thanks so much mista Scooter.

Along the live of a fake blogger there is always a question made by his audience all the time: who are you really? You can see Fake Ballmer treating the thing very often just saying he is not Steve Ballmer pretending not to be Steve Ballmer...

I am not Scott McNealy pretending not to be me. I always said that, so I won't repeat that story but I'll just write a little about me.

I got my M.S. in Computer Science at the Jawaharlal Nehru Technological University, in my motherland in India, in a moment where the Valley was the promised land, so following advice from some of my best friends already stablished in the Valley I followed the same route.

I had the fortune to join a then young company called Sun Microsystems, and although I was not a friend of him, I worked quite closely with mista Scooter.

I left Sun quite a few years ago, but still worked with them in many projects, and with Oracle too, although I never became a full employee of any of them again. I can't say I met Mr. Ellison, but I once had the fortune to visit his yatch (his HUGE yatch).

Those were the good years, when you could made a fortune working in the business you love.

I started this blog mainly for fun, and for a little romantic feeling that I could change a little the things in the company I once loved and where many of my friends still work.

Well, I also had less spiritual objective: I still have a lot of shares I bought in the Dot Com era, and I'd have liked to recover some of my money, and not just $9,50 per share...

Today, everything is over. I have no more projects so I have accepted a job in the technology area in Bengaluru (well, what you call Bangalore), the kind of Silicon Valley we have in India, and less than 4oo miles from my hometown!

I tried staying around, but Mr. Scooter never wanted to take profit from this blog, although I tried to add Google Ads-Sense or some other kind of advertising to generate revenues, Mr. (fake) McNealy always seemed to be motivated by an ever more romantic sense than me, so he never allowed to take any benefit from the blog. So, here I am, about to say good bye to the Valley just when Sun is about to die.

Just to satisfy the curiosity of some of our readers. I learned about the break-up with IBM just by chance. I have some friends working for "Big Blue", and when you find them on a Sunday afternoon having a few beers in one of the best mexican restaurants in Mountain View, well, it is not difficult for you to understand how I got the information.

Unfortunately for us, Oracle was much more silent and cautious while they were negotiating their deal. I didn't see it coming. Indeed it seems that it was just a conversation between McNealy (the real) with Ellison. But this is a story that will be reported by someone else.

So, is this the end? For Sun, absolutely. For me, I hope this is a new beginning. For the blog, well, probably Mr. (fake) Scooter will be around for a while, to clean his desk at Sun and so on, but I cannot say if he will be posting anymore. I will be very busy in my new job, and far from the Valley, but if I find something interesting to write about or if some Sun (now Oracle) employee wants to write about his/her experience in the transition, I'll send it to Mr. (fake) Scooter so he can post it.

It has been a real pleasure for me. Thank so much to my beloved readers, I never thought you could be so many and so loyal.

In memoriam: Sun Microsystems, 1982-2009.

Well, I don't know if thank Ashok or kick him in the ass (hmm, If I didn't do it with Jonathon...).

If you think that I'll have more time from now on, as my job as (fake) Chairman is somehow terminated, you are wrong: Jonathan and me are so busy (Jonathon is searching for a new home as a retired person in Miami; he doesn't want to retire near California as he is afraid of angry ex-Sun employees...) thinking where to spend the money of our severance package that we couldn't even attend to the burial of the company!

I think I'll hop by Ellison's joint and ask him (again) for a place in the Oracle's board of directors. After all, I deserve it, as I made possible this great merger!

Suggestions from our readers

As I told you, I receive daily thousands of wonderful emails from our beloved readers.
I cannot answer all of them, nor follow all their suggestions and pieces of advice (for instance, I don't remember having played and much less won a multi-billion prize from the Micro$oft Lottery, Ballmer swears they don't have one either!; not to mention the lovely letters from the daughter of the former ruler of an African country that has asked my help to recover the money stolen by her father...).

Well, never mind, I wanted to thank our beloved reader Jim (I won't use his surname, it is enough with the SunId he so gently enclosed in his email), who sent this suggestion:

You need to convince Ellison to spend more time on his yacht so that you can take over the combined company. If done right, there is the opportunity to take a big bite out of the Big Blue Whale and the Toad of the North. A single source for iron, o/s, database, apps, and service is an idea whose time has come again.

Thanks for all the good years,

Well, that is right now what I'm trying to do, so I asked him to sail to the Caiman Islands, as I claimed I never was there before and he seems to have sailed the seven seas.
Jim, I really like how you say thank you. Come to my office when I arrive next Monday, we'll talk about your new position at Oracle.

The only problem of this trick is that while we are away, Jonathan is in charge of the company... Well, what could go wrong?

Sailing Away!

Yes, I'm sailing away, at least for the weekend. I had an appointment with Larry to adjust some details of the merger, so he said "pal, why don't we discuss it off-shore?" I couldn't say no, he is going to be in charge from now on, so I was going to propose him a cancellation with any kind of excuse because of the bad weather in the Bay Area (if it is only 58 here in the coast, imagine off-shore!, not to talk about the wind and the rain...), when I suddenly remembered the yacht that Larry has...

Nothing wrong can happen in a ship called "Rising Sun".
We are supposed to be back on Monday for usual business, but with Larry you never know...
Anyway, with the satellite phone installed in the ship I can instruct Ashok to post my thoughts as usual. Larry is also planning to install a Datacenter in a Box with some Sun Rays, matching the name of the ship, so communication is not a problem there.

All is calm on the front.

After posting our marvelous results from Q3, many of you were expecting the usual financial perspective email from our friend Lehman. So, as it was not coming, I stepped by his office to ask him if there was any hidden reason why he hadn't posted it yet. Fear not my friends, there is no hidden reason nor it is a silence imposed by Oracle as one of the points in our agreement. The reality is that after what happened to Sun, and being called Lehman, the guy is quite worried about his future and as he told me a few minutes ago: "Boss -he still calls me that, I really like it-, I'm terrified about my future, so I'm brushing up my resume and calling all the headhunters in the Valley. I'd better start right now, and maybe in a year or so I'll be earning enough to pay the mortgage".

So, there is no conspiracy of silence. It is just business as usual.

Now excuse me, I have to deal with the transition team. They are claiming the space next to my office, where I used to store the golf clubs. I need them to play with Larry.

Playing in the Titanic Orchestra.

Have you ever thought how should have been a member of the Titanic Orchestra? They played all along while the ship was sinking, until the end, the didn't stop doing it despite they knew their fate.
Well, if you want to know what it feels like, I'd suggest you to join Sun, but Oracle has stopped all hiring of new employees (also firings, although it is too late for so many good people...).
We know our days are numbered, but here we are, today we'll post the quarterly results (analysts are debating between those who think we'll post loses, and those who say we'll post huge loses).

I wonder how would MLP look with one of those hats. With Larry you should not play those kinds of jokes. But with Jonathan...

Well, here we are, waiting to our fate to come, relying in Oracle's mercy, as from our leaders at Sun only silence can be expected.
Oh, I really liked the SORE proposed new ticked for Sun. Soracle, what an occurrence... Larry is still laughing (then he added something like 'we'll make nobody will ever remember the Sun Microsystems name' or something like that; this is what happens when he spends too much time at the Gym).

Well, at least it will be funny to see those guys at Sony-Ericsson, LG, Sony, etc., that are using Java for some peanuts when the Oracle sales reps. will tell them about the new license conditions... this will be a quite funny moment.

Another funny moment will be that related to the open-source community, MySQL and free software in general.
Over all with everything related to opensourcing Java. Dear friends of IBM, as you are one of the most interested people about this subject, not quoting exactly what Larry told me the other day, but trying to transmit his idea, he commented something like this: "Opensource? My ass!!" Well, I'm not sure if this was the case, a golf ball hitted me in the head this Sunday and since then I cannot hear pretty well, but you can see Oracle's huge and clear history of opensourcing software....

Jonathan, you missed you last Five Minute Friday (crap) Session, so I'm suggesting a new leaflet to announce the next one. This piece of advice, just for free, my friend:

And now, the end is near, and so I face the final courtain; My friend, I'll say it clear, I'll state my case, of which I'm certain. I've lived, a life that't full, I've travelled each and every highway, and more, much more thant this, I did it... (rehearsing for my performance with the Titanic Orchestra).

What will you do in the shareholders meeting?

Well, it seems that my sessions with Dr. Jack Daniels are going to the same place where most of the jobs of the people working at Sun by now, so I decided to change therapist.

Meanwhile, as I try to defeat my growing depression, I'll leave you a new poll. As you know, the shareholders have to approve (or not...) the merger of the company with Oracle (yes, I know, they are buying us out of the market, but if I say merger is less painful). After the gentleman (I am making a terrible effort not to calling them crappy bastards, as I'm a gentleman too, I won't) of Southeastern Asset Management sold its 22% of the company, we don't know to whom, there is a little bit of uncertainty about the result of the voting, so, I'm asking you, fellow shareholders of Sun shares: Will you vote for or _AGAINST_ the selling of the company to Oracle?
I won't tell you my vote to not bias your decision, although I guess you already know what I'll be doing...

Have a nice weekend.

The Rats Abandon the Ship

Well, what can I say, I just read the comments you, fellow workers, left on my previous article. I'm humbled, I'm thankful for coming and reading me, I'm amazed, what more can I say... Thank you.
(fake) Anil, I count on you too, I hope to see you around, and maybe one day we'll have a few beers too.

Yesterday I was so depressed I thought of abandoning the blog and not coming again, but after some therapy with Mr. Daniels, Jack Daniels, I've realized that only the rats abandon the ship when they think it is sinking. I'm not a rat (perhaps a little mouse, but not a rat), so I'll keep on coming around here -when I take a rest from brushing up my resume and sending it to all the headhunters I know- to say what I think and to hear what you say. Thank you again folks. If (real) Scooter had the guts, what an army he could lead!

Well, talking about RATS (Real Asset managemenT traderS -no, I'm not calling them rats, I'd never insult anybody, no matter how mad I feel, I'd never call those people scum, pundits, bandits, traitors, nor any other offensive word you could imagine- ): Southeastern Asset Management (I won't call them SAM 'cause I have a friend called Sam and I appreciate him too much to compare him with those "gentleman") has sold ALL the shares they had from Sun, at prices between 9.04 and 9.09 dollars.

Well, maybe I'm not quite good at maths, but this means that if they had waited until the closure of the Oracle deal they'd earned about $80 million more... not to mention that they bought the cheapest Sun's shares at about $12 (that makes about $500 million...).
Well, I can earn a new living as financial advisor: dear customers, don't trust in O. Mason Hawkins (the man that leads that band of smugglers, I mean, investors), at least leaving the money to Mr. Madoff you had the hope to get your money back. With Southeastern you know you'll loose it.
I hope they don't have any position in Jack Daniels, as we all have seen what they meant when they said they were a long-term investor in Sun...

So, after the maths lesson, now we have to call a detective to find out what is happening here... Why have Southeaster sold all the shares so soon, loosing so many money? Aren't they afraid of the legal actions their stakeholders may take against them, as we were threatened after the (speculated) rejection of the IBM offer.

Maybe we are just told a part of the story, what they want us to swallow. Maybe it wasn't Southeaster who were selling the company to each and every company in the World and have just taken the money as soon as they had an opportunity, as they are not sure at last if the deal will be completed at last (which, to certain extend would be a relieve for me in the personal side, but would be the final lost of credibility for the company).
Maybe it was just a couple of old friends, a powerful CEO and an ex-powerful ex-CEO, spending a weekend sailing in the gorgeous yatch of the CEO, talking about the glory days, and how they could merge their companies to become the next Borg. In the meantime, they'd only had to allow the hardware maker to decline little by little, assimilating competitors of the software maker to avoid suspicions from the antitrust authorities. They'd choose a dumb or better, a dumber CEO to be the puppet in the hands of the ex-CEO, so the deciline of the hardware maker would be, apparently, irreversible, and so nobody would be opposite to the merger. The final dramatic act would be to deceive the Borg, or even the Original Borg, so it would be neccesary the appearance of a white knight (well, or a red and white one) to save the struggling hardware maker, and thus putting a happy ending to the story.
I guess after this job as a blogger they'll offer me to write the new Harry Potter book, at least.

Well, this is just a story, a speculation, and as you know, Sun donesn't comment on speculations. Now that the biggest part of the shares was sold, and we don't know who, it would be fun to see the acquisiton rejected in the shareholders meeting... This would mean that we would see our marketing team doing something we never saw them doing in the past 10 years: working.

Now that we are talking about ships, I'll add some comments about the Titanic and the pathetic music band playing while the ship is sinking, as if nothing was happening at all.
By the way, as I was in therapy with mr. Daniels I lost the town-hall with Oracle at the Menlo Park Campus (yes, I know it was at 8 AM, but Mr. Daniels wakes up early for his sessions...), so if you attended I guess it will be fun if you leave your comments and impressions on what they said they are gonna do with Sun.

May the force be with you (never the schwartz).