Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Salary Raises and $11M CEO's Pay

I have to warn all the people at Sun that come to me asking for a salary rise: I cannot give it to you.
The main reason is that I'm not the CEO anymore, I'm the Chairman, so it is not my responsibility to decide about rises (fortunately for me, I don't have to fight with the employees). The other reason is that we already spent all the money we had for rises, although we invested in just one man... Yes, you are right. We decided to reward Jonathan for his stunning management of the company during this year, so we raised his salary to $11M.
Again, Jonathan is a sample to all our employees. The stocks are at a historical minimum, the company didn't meet the objectives imposed by Jonathan itself, so he decided to restrict his rise to a mere 44% in relation with his past year compensation package. So, this is a sample for all of you working for Sun: don't dare coming asking for a 12, 7 or even a 4.5% of salary rise to overcome inflaction. We need to restrict our expenses, and the people working for us are the first ones to give a sample (I said people 'working for us', not US; of course Jonathan's chauffer is not included in the people to give sample either).
So, when thinking in asking your boss for a salary rise, remember Dante's words: Abandon all hope ye who enter here.


Steve Ballmer said...

Sounds reasonable to me

Fake Jonathan said...

Scooter, you've got $$Billions. Why the fuck you even working any more?

Look, you offered me stock as a raise. Is that supposed to be funny?

Results like this don't come cheap, bukko!!!