Friday, September 7, 2007

Let's go Shopping!

Yeah, you may know it already, we are shopping, we are buying some companies to extend our superior dominance over the enterprise market.
The only thing is that Jonathan doesn't allow me to be at all the Board meetings (come on, oh, man oh man, you got the job thanks to me, lemme play a little bit, pleeeeeasse!!!).
Er, wel, ahemm, I'm sure Jonathan is going to ask me for a piece of advice on this subject, so I have just one piece of advice: play boldly! Play aggressively! Do a movement that will let that Jobso with his mouth open and saying "why I didn't do that before" (oh, sorry, I forgot Jobso only plays in minor leagues, selling consumer products, as they cannot compete in the reeeeal Enterprise market 'cause there is already a leader: Sun). Besides, he's too busy with the rebate issue and so on.
So, some suggestions: NetAppliace (and then fire all the NetApp board for just thinking of suing us). No wait, it ain't a good idea, I don't want to five a dime to those patent trolls. I think it will be better to promote a "NetApp away" program, as those we had with HP, to let them with no customer at all. I'll post abou it later.
Another suggestion: Titleist. They are very famous for making the best irons in the market (I guess that after our SunFire or Enterprise family, of course). Well I'm such a fan for iron that I never use woods playing golf.
Oh, wait, the intern is saying that Titleist is not a suitable company for Sun, despite their irons (What the hell do this interns know of business? Besides, they are all foreigners!!).
Oh, wait again, it seems that we are buying a software company.....
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Weeeelll, ok, software... hmmmm, not a big one, with interesting technology, financial health... I know of some companies that may be queuing to be bought by us (Larry, sorry, I guess you are not appealing for us). Jonathan, you get me puzzled... If I held the reigns, I have some suggestions: RedHat (to do with them the same we did with Cobalt, just throw this frigging OS they have to the dustbin); Novell-Suse (to do with them the same we did with Cobalt and to boost our new 'friends' at IBM to adopt Solaris); that small losers company called Micro$oft (nah, just joking!); SAP (to sell it later to Larry, once we have doomed it as we did with Cobalt). What? Ah, ok, SAP is tooo big, ok, discard them. There is also that company called Bridgestream (uh, oh, ok, Larry called a few minutes ago to say they already purchased it...). Weelll. ok, Larry, you were faster this time, but I may buy Postgress or MySQL and do some harm to you in revenge, so don't go flaunting so much!

Well, Jonathan, I'm running out of ideas. Why don't you start a poll in your blog so people can just vote which company they'd be happy if bought it?

2 comments:

Steve Ballmer said...

Scott please tell me that you have seen the light and are using Vista at home!

Fake Scott said...

Pal, I use Solaris on my SunRay at Home program.
Did you know that using SunRays you can upgrade from Windows XP to Vista without upgrading your hardware?
Did I say upgrade? Sorry, downgrade I mean.

Steve, have the guts to put the name of the OS in full: Hasta la Vista, Baby.